


Stars Colliding

by MyJediLife



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo gave up the Force, Canon Divergence - Star Wars Expanded Universe, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Expanded Universe, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Gen, Inappropriate use of a kyber crystal, Jedi Ben Solo, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Pining, Resistance Member Ben Solo, Romance, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Smuggler Ben Solo, Smut, SwoloFic, That's Not How The Force Works, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-10-21 11:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17641910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife
Summary: Ben Solo cut himself off from the Force and left the Jedi Order 10 years ago after the girl he loved died. He has since become a smuggler and a Resistance Pilot, and when he is sent on a mission with a Jedi named Rey, it is the last thing Ben wants to do.Will he finally be forced to deal with old wounds and find love again?





	1. Prologue

[](https://imgur.com/MoRRHJJ)

The tall man stood watching as the fire licked away at the last vestiges of his sanity. His brothers stood next to him, one to each side. Ben knew that if he so much as thought about taking a step forward, at launching himself onto the pyre so that he could burn alongside his love, his brothers would stop him from doing so without hesitation. Ben raised his eyes from the pyre to find those of his Mother’s, his own sadness mirrored in hers. She knew the toll this was taking on him. To her left stood his Father, Han’s eyes sad as he watched the flames burn higher. Han had never cared for ceremony, and was trying to carefully mask his emotions for the sake of both himself and his son. His sister was also there, standing on their Mother’s left, her hand clutching Jagged’s as tears ran down her face unabashedly.

Ben knew he should be crying, but all he felt was empty and numb. The moment Kat had been struck down, Ben had died with her. He was nothing but a shell now, and he was positive that if he looked in the mirror, all he would see staring back at him was a ghost of the man he had been three days ago.

Ben hardly noticed as people started to leave, the fire now starting to burn low. He wouldn’t leave, though, not until every ember had cooled.

“ **Ben. SON.** ”

Ben tore his gaze away from the pyre long enough to look at his mother as she placed the palm of her hand on his cheek. He knew Leia had loved Kat, and he knew she was mourning her loss like Kat had been one of her own children. Tears brimmed in his mother’s eyes as she simply looked at him, her bottom lip quivering.

“ **Would you like me to stay with you, Ben?** ” Leia asked softly.

Ben shook his head at his mother. He just wanted to be alone and watch the rest of his life burn away into ash.

…..

Ben stood in front of the mirror in his quarters a week later, staring into the depths of nothing as he nodded his head, resolute in the decision he had made.

The Jedi Order had taken her from him.

The _Force_ had taken her from him.

He would allow neither to control him any longer.

A flash of anger and pain ignited deep within him, and Ben let it grow until he saw nothing but a red haze where his face had been in the mirror a moment earlier.

He drew in a breath….

And cut his connection to the Force.

_I will no longer be your slave. I am my own man._


	2. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's favorite Smuggler makes a beautiful first impression on his future Jedi love.... or does he?

[](https://imgur.com/ZhL6iiu)

 

 

_10 Years Later_

 

Ben had avoided working with Jedi – minus his family, of course – for the last decade, and he had liked it that way. He had worked his ass off to pay his Father back for the _Nevermore_ , and he had helped the Resistance by smuggling more goods, people and information than he’d care to think about. But this mission, well, it had been the only time he seriously considered telling his mother to kriff off.

 

_Three Days Earlier_

 

“Mom, No!”

 

Ben ran a hand through his hair, huffing in annoyance as his mother leveled _that_ look at him. Even at twenty-eight, he wanted to shrivel away from it.

 

“You are the only person we have available right now, Ben. We need a civilian transport – we can’t use any Republic or Resistance ships.”

 

“Send Jaina, Jacen or Anakin then. I can’t, Mom, I’m sorry. Ask me to do anything else but this. Shit, I’ll even hop in an X Wing and take on a Star Destroyer… but I am _not_ working with a Jedi. I am not a Jedi transport taxi service. No.” Ben’s eyes were sad, filled with the same pain, the same numbness that had been there for a decade now, and Leia wished she could reach through the holocom and hug her son.

 

“Your sister and brothers are on missions. You are the only one who can do this for me, Ben. Please! After you get this done, you can go home to Chandrila… go to the bar in Junari Point and drink for two weeks or so to decompress. You know I wouldn’t ask if I had any other choice!”

 

Shaking his head, Ben knew his mother’s words were true. “Fine, Mom. This one time, I will do this one time for you, and for the Resistance.”

 

_Present Time_

 

Coruscant was a pit of scum and villainy, and Ben had always hated coming to it. Glancing at the chrono on his wrist, he let out a snort and rolled his eyes before ordering another glass of Raava. He hated running behind schedule, and this Jedi he was supposed to meet for a transport was late.

 

Didn’t Uncle Luke still teach routine and being accountable at his Praxeum?

 

Downing the drink in one swallow, Ben nodded at the droid bartender to indicate he wanted a refill, glancing around the bar as he waited, his long fingers tapping out a rhythm on the bar top impatiently. If it wasn’t bad enough that he had to work with a Jedi, it was worse that it was a Jedi who apparently couldn’t keep time.

 

“Um, are you Ben?”

 

Ben turned his head slightly to see a woman, his eyes looking her over to see if he would answer her. Seeing the lightsaber clipped to her belt, he nodded, downing the new glass of Raava in one swallow and standing.

 

“They teach you how to keep a schedule in the Praxeum still?” Ben asked, his voice a low rumble of annoyance as he looked at the woman. “Surely they teach you how to read a chrono? You’re late. I don’t like being behind schedule. Let’s go.”

 

He didn’t wait to see if the woman would follow as he made his way through the bar to the exit. Pressing his commlink, Ben sent a message to his astromech, letting the droid know to have the startup sequence done and the engines fired up before they got back to the starport.

Luckily, the woman had kept up with him, and as he made his way to one of the speeder vehicles, Ben looked over at her again. “You got a name, Jedi?”

 

Rey looked up at him, wondering just what she had done to make the man so angry. Leia had warned her that her son was ‘gruff’ and ‘sometimes drank too much’, but the energy coming off him right now was anger and annoyance – with a hint of sadness and inner turmoil thrown in for good measure.

 

“I’m Rey.”

 

She figured keeping the interaction short was probably for the best, given his current mood.

Ben grunted in response, hopping into a speeder and motioning for her to get in beside him. “Got R3 getting the startup sequence going on the _Nevermore_. We should be able to get out of the starport in fifteen minutes or so. That should only leave us about ten minutes behind schedule.”

 

Rey just nodded, getting into the speeder beside him. As he navigated through the traffic of Coruscant, she took a minute to look him over out of the corner of her eyes. Leia had shown her a holo of Ben, and it still shocked her that he looked nothing like his siblings. Jacen and Anakin both had lighter hair, and Anakin had a kind, young face that still showed innocence despite his twenty-three years and training as a Jedi. Jaina was definitely her mother’s daughter – one could tell that simply by looking at her.

 

Then there was Ben. He was taller than everyone else in his family, his shock of dark hair unruly. His eyes were dark brown and expressive, with a set of full lips and a long nose. He simply didn’t fit into the picture of the Solo family – which made him entirely intriguing to her. Rey had always been a curious girl, after spending so much time on Jakku by herself growing up, people simply fascinated her now.

 

Rey wondered why he didn’t follow in the footsteps of his siblings, who were all Jedi. Was he not Force sensitive? Leia had told her that Ben was a smuggler like Han, and was also an impressive X Wing pilot when called upon. He was certainly having no issues navigating the speeder though the knot of Coruscanti traffic.

 

Finally, the starport came into view, and a smile came to Rey’s face as she took in all the different ships docked there. She absolutely loved flying a ship when she had the chance. It was still amazing to her, seeing all the different kinds of ships all docked in one place. Coruscant was simply incredible to her as well, with its buildings and people… she had never seen anything quite like it.

 

Ben brought the speeder to a stop in front of a XS Corellian Light Freighter before hopping out, his eyes going to Rey as he remarked, “This is it. My ship. Come on.” He turned, his long stride making it a short walk as he stepped onto the _Nevermore_ , a rare smile coming to his lips at the familiar sight of his home. He _loved_ this ship more than almost anything in the Galaxy – he had worked his ass off to retrofit her with weapons and everything he would need to both help the Resistance and make enough credits to live fairly well.

 

As Rey stepped onto the ship, Ben looked at her, waiting for her to make some kind of remark about the ship. Most people saw both the _Nevermore_ and his Dad’s _Millenium Falcon_ as nothing more than bolts and buckets of rust – but Ben knew both ships worth. All he saw in her eyes was an appreciation for the ship, so he raised his hand, pointing towards the passenger compartment.

 

“Quarters are through that passage. Pick whichever you want. Only place that is off limits is my quarters – you’ll know where that is because the door is closed. Welcome to the _Nevermore_. We’ll be out of this hole in about five minutes or so, so stash your gear and get ready to jump to hyperspace.”

 

Ben turned, heading to the cockpit to make sure everything was in place. R3 had, as usual, done his job, and all Ben had to do was contact the Coruscanti starport to get clearance to leave. Once he had gotten the appropriate clearance codes, he called over his shoulder, “Hope you’re ready back there, because we are leaving.”

 

Rey had managed to stash her meager belongings in the first open set of quarters she had come to. She had to admit, for an older ship, the _Nevermore_ was well taken care of. Clearly, Ben had gotten some aptitude for ship maintenance and piloting from Han. Heading into the common area, Rey heard Ben’s call, responding back to him with, “I’m good back here!” before she sat down in the nearest seat. It didn’t take long for her to feel the familiar shift as the ship went into hyperspace, and she looked up as Ben entered the room as well, his tall form blocking the doorway for a moment before he folded himself into a chair, tipping it back on its legs and propping his feet up on the table.

 

“It’ll be about three days to Rodia. That is where you needed to go, correct? Mom only gave me a few details – plausible deniability and all, I guess.” Ben shrugged, his eyes seeking out Rey’s. Even without the Force, he knew how to read people, and he could see the Jedi was confused by something. Certainly, she was probably wondering why one of the Solo children – the misfit, the Black Sheep of the family – wasn’t a Jedi. He could honestly care less what she was thinking about him. He had been without the Force for a decade now, and he was happy with his life.

 

Wasn’t he?

 

A fleeting memory came to his head, of when he and Kat had managed to sneak away for two days together between missions. He had been truly happy then, his life full of promises and love. But the Force… the Jedi… they had stolen that from him. No, he was his own man now, and he was happy.

 

Sitting the chair back on all four legs, Ben grabbed the decanter of Raava off the counter nearby, pouring himself a glass and downing it in one swallow.

 

Yeah, he was happy alright.

 

This was going to be a long mission.

 

…

 

Three glasses of Raava later, and Ben found himself still seated across from Rey, one corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile. “So…” Ben had been ignoring her, for the most part, since they had left Coruscant, his datapad and Raava keeping him occupied as he pretended not to watch her moving about the _Nevermore_ , her hand coming out several times to almost caress the durasteel of the ship.

 

“You seem to appreciate my girl here,” Ben continued, one hand reaching out to lovingly touch the nearest wall of the ship.

 

Rey nodded, her eyes meeting his. Stars, but that tiny smile of his was attractive, and she wondered what it would do to her if he graced her with a full, genuine smile. Would it make those expressive eyes of his light up? “I do. She’s gorgeous. I’ve been on your Dad’s ship quite a few times, even flown her before. You Solo men know how to pick sturdy ships.”

 

“Indeed,” Ben said in agreement. Tapping his fingers against his leg, he just looked at Rey for a moment before running a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m not used to having a lot of people here with me. I am sure you have… questions. Since we’re going to be working together on this mission, we should develop a working relationship, don’t you agree? Let me start: where are you from, Rey?”

 

Her eyes met his, her face coloring slightly under his gaze. Han and Leia certainly made beautiful children, but Ben, Ben held a certain intensity that Rey found breathtaking for some reason. “Jakku,” she breathed softly, her eyes never leaving his.

 

“Jakku?” Ben let out a snort, his eyes going to his now empty glass. “I’ve been there. Nothing but sand and thugs.”

 

Rey narrowed her eyes at his words. “Yes, well, that sand and those _thugs_ were my life for nineteen years.”

 

Ben let a grin come to his face then, knowing he had managed to get under her skin. Throwing his hands up in the air, Ben laughed before standing and grabbing the decanter of Raava, refilling his glass as he looked back over his shoulder at her. “Hey, no reason to get all defensive, your Jedifullness. I never said _you_ were a thug! Besides, I work with _thugs_ and _rebel scum_ every day practically. I don’t judge.”

 

“Yes, well, you can’t blame me for getting defensive. Perhaps you should watch your tone when you’re insulting people’s home worlds, you drunken buffoon.” Rey stood in a huff before sliding past him and heading into her quarters. Folding herself onto her bunk, she crossed her legs and tried her best to find the balance within that she was so sorely lacking right now.

 

Ben watched as Rey pushed past him, the grin staying on his face. As soon as the door to her quarters slid shut, Ben shouted, “It takes more than four glasses to get me drunk, darling! I’m just getting started! Go… find your damn balance within your, oh so precious Force, or something. This is why I hate working with Jedi!”

 

Plopping back down in his chair and pushing it back so it tilted precariously on two legs, Ben settled his feet onto the table once more, his legs crossed at the ankles. Pulling his datapad into his hands from where he’d left it lying on the table, he lost himself in a podrace, downing three more glasses of Raava before he felt the familiar warmth of intoxication rush over him.

 

“You, Ben Solo, are a jerk,” he mumbled to himself, his words slurred as they left his mouth. “She’s good-looking, sweet, she can kick ass with a lightsaber, and you insulted her, you idiot. You need to go apologize.”

 

Standing, the room spun for a moment before righting itself, and Ben made his way to Rey’s door by holding onto whatever was available at the moment. Knocking softly, Ben called out, “Rey? Open the door. Please?”

 

As the door slid open, Ben let a slow smile come to his face, and he ran a hand through his hair, trying to remember what he was going to say. Wait, he had come to apologize for being a jerk – right? “Right,” he said out loud, his hand clutching at the door frame as he swayed a little.

 

Rey’s brow furrowed in confusion, and Ben realized she had no clue what he was talking about.

 

“I… came to apologize. I’m sorry I made you mad. You’re cute when you get mad though, you have this little crease in your forehead. I… I kinda wanna hug you right now. Can I hug you?” Ben opened his mouth to say something else, but instead, he giggled as he took an unsteady step forward, his arms wrapping around Rey’s slight frame in a hug. “You… you’re so pretty. So sorry I made you mad.”

 

Rey stood in silent surprise as Ben’s frame filled her doorway after she slid her door open. Was he… drunk? She remembered what happened when the men on Jakku got drunk – and it was never anything good, that was for sure. But, stars, he was so adorable with that smile on his face – and he thought she was pretty?

 

“I… okay?” Rey said softly, blushing as suddenly Ben Solo’s arms were around her, and he was pulling her in for a hug. Was he… giggling? Rey couldn’t help it – she had to smile at how adorable he was acting – even if he was drunk.

 

Rey had to admit, being hugged by Ben was amazing. He radiated warmth, and he smelled absolutely glorious – like Raava, spice and the underlying scent of the outdoors, somehow. She breathed in his scent deeply before unfolding herself from his arms, looking up into his eyes, only to see his bottom lip coming out in a pout.

 

Letting out a laugh, Rey shook her head softly. “Okay, Ben. Apology accepted. Now, you need to sleep this off. Come on, you overgrown, scruffy smuggler. I don’t think I can get you back to your room, so just climb into my bunk.”

 

Ben graced her with another smile, the pout leaving his lips as he did so. “Thank you, Rey. I mean it. You are pretty. And I am sorry. I… I think I need to go to sleep now.” At her offer, Ben somehow managed the three steps to her bunk in one large stride, practically falling into her bed, his eyes closing even before his body was settled onto the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more to my wonderful Beta, Azuwrite! Once again, she made a beautiful moodboard for this chapter.
> 
> Thanks to all my readers, I love knowing you are enjoying my little tale. Keep the comments and kudos coming!


	3. Playing Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey saves Ben's ass. Ben isn't grateful one bit.

[](https://imgur.com/fdof13Q)

Ben woke, head pounding and his mouth as dry as a Tatooine sand dune. Turning his head, his eyes widened as he made out the small, sleeping frame of Rey beside him. Reaching down, Ben made sure his clothing was intact still, relief flooding through him as he found everything to be well in order.

 

_How much Raava did I drink last night? Why am I in Rey’s bunk? What the kriff, Solo?_

Trying his best to maneuver himself out of the bed without waking Rey, Ben stood for a moment beside her bunk, watching her sleep. The smattering of freckles dotting her face were endearing, and as she let out a tiny yawn, her eyes fluttered open, widening in surprise as she saw him standing beside her bunk.

 

“Wha-What are you doing staring at me? Leave!” Rey sputtered, pulling the sheet around her tighter, even though she was still clothed in the previous days clothing. When had she decided to crawl in her bunk anyways? The last thing she remembered had been sitting in the chair, watching Ben sleep and smiling at how innocent he looked.

 

Throwing up his hands, Ben turned, mumbling, “Sorry,” before he fumbled with the door, finally getting it to slide open so that he could step out into the corridor of the _Nevermore_. R3 beeped at him, giving him a systems and navigation report, and Ben ran a hand over his eyes, trying to process all the information and finding that he needed a pot of fresh caf before he could begin to comprehend anything. Heading to the galley, Ben got his first cup and sat at the small table, datapad in hand and rocking the chair back on two legs, kicking his feet up on the tabletop in his usual fashion.

 

Moments later, he could hear Rey’s light footsteps approaching, and without looking up, Ben pointed at the galley, his eyes still on the datapad as he read the latest propaganda the First Order was spewing across the Galaxy. “Caf is fresh, if you drink it. If you don’t drink it, I’ll question what species you are, because it’s not human at that point. Oh, I have this rule – if you take the last cup, make a new pot. I get grumpy without it.”

 

His gaze stayed focused on the datapad – because if he didn’t look up, then he didn’t have to look at her. If he didn’t have to look at her, maybe they could pretend that he hadn’t been a drunken asshole the night before – a drunken asshole who had passed out in her bed.

 

He had to admit though, waking up next to her, with her scent in his nose… had been nice.

 

_Knock it off, Solo. She’s Jedi. You know where the kriff that got you last time. Alone. Right where you deserve to be. You’re on your own now. You want to get laid – go to a pleasure house on Coruscant._

 

Rey shuffled to the aforementioned pot of caf, pouring herself a cup and taking a moment to let the fragrant steam drift into her nose. She had acquired a taste for the drink at the Praxeum. Of course, she liked to add sugar to it, and found that without it, it tasted bitter and was far less enjoyable to her palette. After a moment of looking, Rey found a small container of sugar, adding a reasonable (at least to her) amount of the sweetener to the cup, before turning – and almost running straight into Ben, who had apparently gotten up from the table to refill his cup.

 

Lifting an eyebrow, Ben asked, “Perhaps you’d like a little caf with your sugar?” His lips ticked upwards into a smile, and as he reached around her to pour another cup for himself, Rey found herself wondering idly what he would do if she kissed him. He was just… delicious-looking, from his expressive brown eyes, to a wave of raven hair that Rey was positive would feel like the Cyrene silk all the women on the Resistance base gushed about someday owning. He was so different from his family – dark where they were light, his features sharp while theirs were softer. He was, by far, the most handsome, intriguing man Rey had ever met.

 

So, as Ben was reaching around her to put the carafe back after pouring himself a refill, Rey took a step forward, her arms circling his neck as she buried her face in his chest, taking in his scent and the way his body felt against hers.

 

Ben stiffened, and Rey realized her mistake, jumping back with a tiny squeak, her face coloring.

 

“I-I am so sorry, Ben. I-I just wanted to thank you. You know, for agreeing to do this for the Resistance.”

 

Ben nodded at her, stepping around her and going back to the table, where he propped his feet up once more, his attention back on his datapad. “Welcome.”

 

…

 

Rodia had never been his favorite place to visit, but Ben knew his mother had many important contacts there – contacts that would have information Leia needed. Luckily, Rey would be handling that aspect of the mission. He would be handling a different aspect – one that couldn’t be handled by a Jedi and their oppressive moral compasses.

 

Ben had contacts on Rodia as well. Contacts who had some goods of the _killing_ variety, and so while Rey was handling the diplomatic aspect of this mission, Ben would be handling the messy part. While he didn’t know exactly what Rey was getting, he knew what his mother had tasked him with. The Resistance needed more weapons, and they could only be found through his black market contacts. He had spent the past ten years – with some help from his father, of course – making these contacts, and he knew they always came through for him.

 

Bringing the _Nevermore_ out of hyperspace, Ben called back into the living quarters of the ship, “Rey! Have you ever seen Rodia before? They have bubble cities, and everything is… well, come up here and see for yourself!” Leia had told him that before Luke had discovered Rey and brought her to the Praxeum, she had been living a scavenger’s life on Jakku.

 

He hated sand. He always had. It must have been ingrained in their DNA after his Grandfather and Uncle had left Tatooine – no one in the Skywalker lineage would ever like sand.

 

Rey appeared beside him, offering him a smile as she looked out the viewport, the planet in all its lush green and blues coming into view. “Ohhhh,” Ben heard her say softly, and he glanced over at her, just watching as her eyes lit up with wonder at the planet below. “It’s beautiful,” she said next, settling into the co-pilot's chair.

 

“I.. well, I don’t care for it that much,” Ben admitted after a moment. “I always feel… I don’t know, claustrophobic, I guess, within the bubble cities. It doesn’t feel natural, somehow.”

 

_Not to mention it’s hard as kriff to make a getaway if needed_ – Ben knew this from experience. Five years previously, a deal had gone bad, leaving him trying to navigate the _Nevermore_ through both blaster and laser cannon fire, while trying to input the proper codes to allow him an exit from one of the cities. Luckily, it wasn’t the city they had to travel to for this mission – Ben still had a mark on him for that little stint, and the inhabitants there wouldn’t be kind to him if he ever went back.

 

Looking down at the controls, Ben began inputting the entry sequence for entering the Rodian air space. Rey’s voice drifted to him quietly from the opposite chair, “Can’t R3 do all this for you? You enjoy piloting, don’t you? I know Han does as well.”

 

Ben looked over at Rey, giving her a nod. “I do. I feel… complete. Calm. In control. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

 

“Like it’s what you’re meant to be doing,” Rey replied softly, her eyes glowing with the reflection from the dim lights of the _Nevermore’s_ panels.

 

“Yeah. Like that,” Ben said in an equally hushed tone as he brought them into atmo and landed at the spaceport.

 

…

 

The city of Matza was small, but teeming with life as they disembarked. Handing Rey a comlink, Ben stopped to give R3 instructions for when they were gone. “R3, security protocol three. Only Rey and I are allowed on board. You got it, buddy?” R3 beeped his acceptance, and Ben turned to look at Rey. “Be careful. If you need me, use the com, okay?”

 

Rey nodded before turning, and she got three steps before turning back around. Ben was still standing in the same spot, checking to make sure he had everything he needed for his own excursion. “Ben?” Rey called softly, loud enough so that he could hear her over the citizens of Matza going about their daily business. He looked up, his eyes serious as they met hers. “You be careful too.”

 

Ben smiled at her and nodded, and Rey turned once more, making her way to a small café where she would be meeting Leia’s contact.

 

…

 

Ben strode into the cantina, looking around and surveying the crowd before going to the bar and getting the Cathar tending bar’s attention. “Sixteen days until the rain falls,” he said casually, watching as the male nodded to him as he pressed a button on his comlink before lifting his chin towards a back hallway slightly to indicate that Ben was free to make his way down it. Nodding, Ben made his way down the hall, stopping only when two large Crolutes stepped in front of him.

 

 “Blasters stay here,” one of them growled, and Ben put his hands up in surrender before letting out a laugh.

 

 “I know the routine, boys. C’Afth doesn’t want surprises. I get that.” Ben took his blaster from its holster, handing it over to one of the Crolutes, putting his hands up again and turning so they could see he didn’t have any other blasters on him. Reaching behind them, one of the guards opened the door, letting Ben step inside before closing the door behind him.

 

“Ben Solo! So good to see you again!” The lilting accent of the Ithorians rang out across the room, and Ben let the ghost of a smile drift onto his lips. He was uneasy – which wasn’t unusual when he was trying to broker a deal – but something was different about this deal already.

 

Something wasn’t right.

 

“C’Afth. Nice to see you as well,” Ben said dryly, approaching the large wooden desk the male sat behind. Standing in front of the desk, Ben eyed the Ithorian suspiciously, waiting for him to speak again.

 

“What can I do to help the Esteemed General’s cause this shipment?” C’Afth trilled, steepling his fingers in front of him as he looked up at Ben.

 

“We’re in need of blaster pistols, carbines, thermal detonators, ten ion cannons, and as many lightsabers as you can come up with,” Ben said, glancing around the room.

 

“Ahh, yes. I am sure things have become more… difficult… in recent months with the First Order closing their fists around the Republic?” C’Afth eyed Ben, putting him more on edge.

 

“You could say that. Do we have a deal?” Ben asked, something telling him that he needed to leave a quickly as possible.

 

“Will you have what I require upon delivery?” C’Afth asked.

 

Ben hated smuggling spice. To him, the drug was nothing more than a scourge on the Galaxy. It changed people, made them angry puppets, only worried about their next fix. But – it brought in a lot of money for people like C’Afth – which, in turn, got him the weapons and goods the Resistance needed. Leia would never agree to the Resistance’s funds being used to purchase spice – but Ben did what was needed for their cause.

 

“I will,” Ben said.

 

“Very well. We’ll do the exchange in three days.” C’Afth slid a datacard across the table to Ben. “The coordinates for the exchange are there. Pleasure doing business with you, Solo.”

 

“Yeah, same,” Ben said, the uneasy feeling growing as he pocketed the datacard on the inside pocket of his jacket before backing out of the room. C’Afth didn’t seem to notice, as his attention was now on the datapad on his desk. Reaching behind him as he felt the door hit his feet, Ben opened it, stepping back into the hallway with the Crolutes. Instead of feeling relief, he felt the uneasiness still washing over him in waves.

 

The Crolute handed him his blaster with a soft grunt, and Ben took his weapon, sliding it back into its holster, keeping it unsnapped for easy access if needed. Striding down the hallway, Ben didn’t bother to stop at the bar for his usual drink, instead opting to get back to the _Nevermore_.

He had a bad feeling about this.

 

…

 

Luckily for Rey, her meeting had gone well.

 

She had never met a Rodian before, but she found the male to be gracious and kind. In fact, he had been more than eager to give the information Leia needed to the Resistance – information that would help them in finding ammo dumps and weapons factories that the First Order would rather keep secret.

 

All in all, it was a good outcome to her first mission as a Jedi.

 

As she strode down the street on her way back to the spaceport, Rey couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Matza was _fascinating_ with its street markets, all of them sporting colorful flags and banners, and there were all sorts of delicious-looking food and treats. She wandered from booth to booth, purchasing several different things that looked so appetizing she couldn’t pass them up. Rey wasn’t used to having credits, but as she had slid the datacard to her, Leia had assured her that anything she purchased would be fine.

 

The gathering of men outside a cantina, all dressed in matching red and brown, caught her eye, and as Rey watched in silence, they seemed to disappear into an alley behind the cantina – probably to lay in wait for some unfortunate person. Settling onto a bench to eat the last of her food, Rey kept her eyes on the cantina.

 

…

 

Ben headed out the door to the cantina, glancing around as he stepped onto the street. Turning, he started towards the spaceport, starting to feel some relief – until six figures clad in matching red and brown armor surrounded him, their weapons drawn and pointed at his head.

 

“Ben Solo!” One of them said, his accent leaving no doubt as to who it was.

 

Putting his hands in the air, Ben rolled his eyes, grumbling out a response, “Bala-Tik. What can I do for you gentleman today?” _Six to one weren’t **bad** odds_, he thought to himself. _I can take out at least four of them before I die._ “I thought we were squared away after our last deal?” Ben said, letting a smarmy smile come to his lips.

 

“You got a mark on your head, Solo,” Bala-Tik said, sounding almost gleeful at the fact that he would be bringing in the son of Han Solo for a bounty.

 

Raising an eyebrow, Ben let out a laugh, sounding very much like his father. “Yeah, right. That mark was taken off after I delivered the credits to Velsik on Typha-Dor. Your intel is wrong. It’s okay, I know these things happen…” Ben started to take a step forward, only to find the weapons were thrust closer to him now.

 

“Look, Bala, you know me – I pay my debts!” Ben said, trying to buy time so he could find an out.

 

Letting out a crude laugh, Bala-Tik responded wryly, “You sound like your Father, Solo. He still has a mark on him from Kanjiklub. We’ll deal with Han Solo later.” Bala-Tik kept his weapon trained on Ben’s head, not relenting an inch to the taller man. “Now, are you coming along, or do we have to bring them a dead bounty?”

 

“Hey now, my Dad paid them! Man, your intel really sucks, you know that?” Ben moved quickly, sweeping his foot out and taking Bala-Tik’s feet out from under him, the weapon the man had trained on Ben now reappearing in Ben’s own hands, the weapon now resting against Bala-Tik’s right temple. “Wow, a Tostovin Munitions Percussive Cannon. This is some high tech stuff right here! It even has a reinforced kinetic channeler in the barrel, _plus_ a recoil counterweight calibrator in the stock. Oh, look, it has a targeting sight! Do you really need that though, with its blast radius?” Looking around at the other five men, Ben laughed, quipping next, “I wonder… how much of his head would be left if I fired this right now? You guys have an idea?” Ben looked back down at Bala-Tik, his voice changing into something much darker and dangerous now. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t blast your brains into the ground right now.”

 

Bala-Tik smiled at him, and with one quick movement of his hand, sliced a path between Ben’s thigh and ankle with a vibroblade, laughing as Ben fell to the ground, a hiss of pained breath leaving his lips.

 

…

 

Rey watched as Ben exited the cantina, his long stride and height making him hard to miss as he started down the street. As the men surrounded him, Rey stood, pocketing her uneaten food in her bag before creeping closer, using the Force to conceal her somewhat.

 

As the men started talking, Rey just listened, shaking her head slightly as Ben spoke. He was so like Han – trying to talk his way out of everything. Rey knew Ben could handle himself – his parents had taught their children that at an early age – but as the vibroblade sliced through Ben’s leg, tearing a path through flesh and muscle, Rey stepped forward, her voice soft and menacing in its own right as she spoke.

 

“You will put your weapons down and leave this area immediately. You will never try to claim another bounty on a member of the Solo family again.” The men looked up at her – Ben included – and took a step forward towards her.

 

With greater resolve, Rey pushed into their minds a little more forcefully this time. “You will put your weapons down and leave this area immediately. You will never try to claim another bounty on a member of the Solo family again.”

 

The men stayed put this time, before all of them could be heard mumbling, “We will put our weapons down and leave this area immediately. We will never try to claim another bounty on a member of the Solo family again.”

 

With that, the men all put down their weapons, heading down the alley and out of sight.

 

Rey looked down at Ben, a grin on her face for a moment until she saw the scowl and look of utter disgust on his face. Why the kriff was he mad? She had just saved him from what would at least amount to a beating, if not death – and he was angry? She didn’t understand.

 

“Ben? We… we should get out of here. You need to tend to your leg,” Rey said, going to Ben and kneeling down beside him.

 

“I got it,” he said through gritted teeth, pulling himself to his feet with a slight hiss of air. Looking around, Ben gathered the discarded weapons, a slight smirk on his face before he looped their straps around his neck and started down the street without another look at Rey.

 

Rey’s eyes narrowed as she watched him head down the street, practically running in order to catch up with him. As they walked towards the spaceport, Rey finally spoke, her breath coming at gasps as she took two steps to every one of his.

 

“Isn’t it customary to thank someone for saving your ass? I know you weren’t raised a savage, your siblings are all polite and civilized,” Rey hissed out, letting her annoyance show at his silence. She wondered if this is why Leia had referred to him as _gruff_. Perhaps a rude, inconsiderate bantha’s behind would have been more accurate, and as they finally reached the _Nevermore_ and boarded the ship, Rey let the full depth of her anger at Ben’s reaction come out.

 

As she turned to face him, Rey was shocked when Ben beat her to the punch after he had stashed the weapons in one of the smugglers holds. “Shut up, Rey. Let me get us into hyperspace and off this Force forsaken hunk of Bantha fodder planet before you lay into me. Stars, you really have been around my mother a lot, haven’t you?” Brushing by her, Ben made his way to the pilot’s seat, settling himself into it with another hiss. He would need to get bacta patches on his wound before too much longer.

 

Ben settled into the familiar routine of piloting the _Nevermore_ , trying to ignore the pain that was throbbing in his leg. Even more, he was trying to ignore the anger he could feel coming off Rey in waves from where she sat in the galley – staring a hole through the back of his head, more than likely.

 

Ben knew she wouldn’t understand why he was so angry at receiving her help earlier. He had certainly _needed_ it at that particular moment – but she had used the Force, something that he had shunned a decade again. As much as Ben told himself that he missed being a Jedi, that he missed feeling that familiar power flow through him – he abhorred it in an equal manner. The Force had taken _her_ from him, the Jedi had robbed him of the life he was supposed to have – and he was still angry about it. He would _always_ be angry. What was the use of having mystical, wonderful powers at your beck and call if they couldn’t save the one person you loved most?

 

That was the reason Ben hardly ever went home, and the reason he refused to work with Jedi.

He didn’t want to remember what he had given up, what he had sacrificed. He didn’t want that reminder every time he was around Jedis.

 

As soon as they had made the jump into the hyperspace lane that would take them to their next destination, Ben dragged himself to his feet, trying not to moan in pain. The vibroblade had given him a lengthy wound, partially cutting into muscle, but it wasn’t terribly deep – so with some bacta patches and some rest, he would be fine in a few hours. Having to deal with a very pissed off female though… that was nothing a bacta patch could handle. Glancing towards the living area of the _Nevermore_ , Ben sighed and raked a hand through his hair before grabbing the medkit he kept stashed in the cockpit. After applying both bacta patches and cream, Ben made his way towards the galley, heading straight to his bottle of Raava and pouring himself a glass before he turned to face the single person firing squad who was sitting in a chair practically vibrating with anger.

 

“You, Ben Solo, are an overgrown, scruffy…” Rey started in, her eyes narrowed.

 

“Nerfherder?” Ben finished, unable to keep a grin off his face.

 

“Pile of Bantha shit!” Rey finished, standing from her chair with such force that it crashed to the floor. “I saved your ass down there, and you couldn’t even thank me! Would you rather be dead?”

 

Ben shrugged indifferently, downing his glass of Raava and avoiding her gaze.

 

“Maker, Ben! Those men would have drug you off to Force knows where! You didn’t have a chance, the odds were clearly stacked against you – you were outgunned, outmanned…” Rey continued, her voice barely under an angry shout.

 

“Hey! Never tell me the odds, Your Jedifulness! I had it handled just fine until you brought your stupid Force into it!” Ben yelled back at Rey, his eyes sparking with anger. “I didn’t need your help, and I certainly didn’t ask for it! Kriff, I swear, you Jedi are all the same!”

 

“You should know!” Rey yelled back. “You were one of us once, then you just walked away like the oversized, laser brained Hutt Spawn that you are! I know how strong in the Force you were – they still talk about that at the Praxeum! And you just threw it all away to become… this! Flying around the Galaxy, getting accosted by gangs of thugs… You’re an idiot, Ben Solo! A huge kriffing idiot!”

 

“You.” Ben stalked closer to Rey, one long finger extended outward towards her. “Don’t.” He took another step closer, his eyes full of fury as he advanced on her. “Know.” Now he was close enough to touch her, his eyes boring into hers angrily still. “Anything.”

 

And then he was pulling her into his arms, like they were magnets being drawn together by some unseen force in the Galaxy, and his lips were crashing down on hers even as he told himself it was a horrible idea. After a moment, her arms looped around his neck, her tongue seeking entrance into his hot, waiting mouth. Ben took a moment to explore her mouth, his teeth skimming across her bottom lip as he tasted her. One hand plied through her hair, his tongue delving deep in her mouth now, their tongues tangling as Rey let out a low moan.

 

It was that moan that pulled him to his senses, somehow, and Ben backed away like she had burned him, his hands dropping to his sides as he backed up until his body hit the durasteel behind him. Shaking his head in an almost panicked way, Ben reached out, picking Rey up easily and holding her at a distance as he carried her to her quarters before setting her down to open the door. Without looking directly at her, Ben picked her up in the same manner again, this time depositing her just inside the door before closing it between them.

 

His breath was coming in spurts as he attempted to calm his racing heart and shattered nerves. What the kriff had just happened? One minute they were screaming at each other, the next he was kissing her like he… like he had wanted to for a very long time.

 

Ben’s eyes widened in realization, and he shook his head.

 

No.

 

He would never allow himself to be involved with a Jedi again. He was done with the Jedi, done with the Force. He had let the past die, he had killed it – all so he would never have to watch another Jedi… another woman… he loved die in front of him while he stood there helplessly, not being able to move.

 

No.

 

He wouldn’t let this happen again. He would keep his distance. Keep it professional until they got back to Felucia and the Resistance base. No problem.

 

And as he resolved himself to keep his distance from the Jedi, something hard crashed against the door of her quarters, and Ben heard her yell, “I hate you!”

 

Looking at her door, Ben whispered, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as usual to my Beta and moodboard artist: [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)
> 
> As always, leave kudos and comments - let me know what you think!


	4. Deals Gone Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey saves Ben ass - again - when a spice deal goes wrong. In typical Ben Solo fashion, he doesn't remember how to use words properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my Beta and moodboard Goddess - [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! I seriously don't know what I would do without you!!

[](https://imgur.com/UE27Edo)

Ben had spent far too long standing outside Rey’s door, wishing he could take back their kiss. He wished he could explain himself to her – he was a smuggler now – not a Jedi. That life was behind him, and so were any attachments. Dead – like Kat was. Like his heart and soul were inside him. Like the Force was – where it had once swirled within him, kissing and caressing his soul like the Galaxy’s sweetest symphony – now he felt nothing.

He was a Jedi no more – the Force no longer controlled him.

Finally, with a sigh, Ben moved to the controls of the  _ Nevermore _ , punching in the coordinates of a very, very familiar smuggler’s hyperlane. While he had yet to beat his Dad’s record for making the Kessel Run – he would still try.

It was best if Rey stayed in her quarters until he had the cargo he needed on board to trade with C’Afth for the weapons the Resistance needed. The less the Jedi – and his Mom – knew about the lengths of what he had to trade for the weaponry, the better. Once he had the spice on board from the dealers on Kessel, they would hop back into the same hyperlane for the jump to Oba Diah, where he would offload the spice to C’Afth’s people and pick up the weapons.

Then, another jump into the  Perlemian Trade Route would have them to the Resistance base on Felucia in no time, and Ben could offload both the weapons  _ and _ the Jedi. Sitting back in the pilot’s seat, Ben put his feet up on the control panel, crossing his arms behind his head as he watched the light streaking past the viewport as they travelled through hyperspace.

Did he want to rid himself of the Jedi so quickly, or was he secretly hoping that his mother would send her out on more missions with him? Ben had to admit, if Rey hadn’t been there earlier, he might not have made it off Rodia alive.

And, Rey was the first woman he had taken any kind of interest in since…  _ her _ . He had spent a decade having meaningless sex with anyone he fancied after vowing to never let himself be tied emotionally to anyone again. It had worked – for ten years, Ben had made a name for himself as a smuggler. Being Han Solo’s son had helped, of course.

Then his mother had sent Rey onto his ship, upheaving everything.

Kicking his feet off the panel, Ben stood, making his way to the small galley of the  _ Nevermore _ . He needed a glass of Chandrilian raava to help him sleep. Once they got further into the hyperlane, and closer to the Maw, Ben wouldn’t have the luxury of using autopilot to guide them into Kessel.

….

Rey wasn’t sure how long she had spent sobbing before she fell asleep, but as she woke to the  _ Nevermore _ shuddering out of hyperspace, she knew they had to be close to their next destination, and that much closer to being back to Felucia.

Would she ever see Ben Solo again after that? Rey didn’t think Ben was the type of man who would stay in one place for long – he had too much of Han in him. From what Rey could tell, Ben was happiest hopping from planet to planet, making his living doing underworld deals with people who would rather kill him simply to say they killed Han Solo’s son.

She knew there was more to Ben Solo than that, though. People still talked about him at Master Skywalker’s Praxeum. Ben Solo had been almost equal in strength to his Uncle Luke, and he had been a powerful Jedi at one time. She couldn’t fathom how he had given it up to become a smuggler.

Closing her eyes, Rey reached inside herself, letting the Force flow through and around her. Since her powers had awoken, she had taken great comfort in knowing that instead of being Rey, nobody from Jakku, she was a Jedi, fighting with the Resistance to bring peace to the Galaxy. She loved the feeling the Force gave her when she meditated within it – the sense of peace, the sense of being a part of the Galaxy in such an intimate way thrilled her.

The  _ Nevermore _ listed to one side, Rey was thrown sideways unceremoniously, her upper arm slamming hard against the durasteel storage compartment that also served as a makeshift seat in her small quarters. Hissing out a long breath to combat the pain, Rey got to her feet, her hand against the wall to brace herself as the ship listed again – this time to the other side. She could hear the durasteel of the hull creaking in defiance of whatever was happening outside the ship, and carefully, Rey made her way to the door, opening it and stepping into the small corridor that led to the common area of the freighter.

As Rey stepped into the cockpit, she saw Ben was piloting the  _ Nevermore _ himself, his biceps straining as he fought against some unseen combatant. His eyes glanced her direction, and he lifted his chin towards the co-pilot’s chair. “Sit down and strap yourself in.”

The  _ Nevermore _ listed once more, and Rey managed to stay on her feet by grabbing onto the back of the co-pilot’s seat as she watched Ben’s jaw work furiously in worry. Settling herself into the seat after a moment of fighting against gravity, Rey pulled the shoulder harnesses tightly, peering out the large viewport at the swirling blue and purple gases surrounding them. She had never seen anything so oddly beautiful, and as an alarm starting beeping on the panel before Ben, he cussed under his breath.

“Ben…what is that? Rey gestured to the scene in front of them, glancing over at Ben, who was now focusing on the navicomp.

“The Maw Cluster. It’s a cluster of black holes located in the Maw Nebulae. Do I really have to give you a dissertation on the Kessel system when I am trying to keep us alive?”

Rey huffed, keeping her eyes on the viewport in front of them. “How can I help?”

“By staying quiet, Rey. I’ll let you know if I need help.”

Rey tried to stay calm, but as the ship shuddered around them, the sounds of metal screeching and grinding frazzling her nerves, Rey gripped the armrests tightly and asked, “What happens in the worst case scenario here?”

Ben shrugged. “We get torn apart by the black holes. It would be a quick death, but I would be mad. How about you stay quiet, like I asked you to, and let me concentrate, so we don’t die?”

Rey closed her eyes, sinking into the Force and trying to find the calm within herself. She tried to extend the Force outward, to surround the  _ Nevermore _ with a bubble of protection. She had no idea if it helped or not, as another alarm started whining from the panel in front of them, and the ship shuddered violently once more.

_ I am one with the Force, the Force is with me. I am one with the Force, the Force is with me. _

Rey had taken to repeating the mantra whenever she felt off balance, and while it usually calmed her, right now the words sounded almost hollow to her. The Force felt  _ wrong _ to her somehow, here in this wild space, like it was  _ sick _ somehow, roiling with blackness. Rey pulled herself out of the maelstrom quickly, feeling unbalanced and dirty, her heart pounding in her chest as she felt the  _ Nevermore  _ list once more.

Ben muttered under his breath, reaching out with one hand to caress the control panel lovingly. “Come on, girl, we’ve done this before. Don’t quit on me now.” Ben held his breath as he did his best to navigate the ship through the remaining space between black holes, letting it out finally when the shuddering abated and the planet of Kessel appeared on the horizon.

Ben patted the control panel, a small smile coming to his lips as he looked over at Rey, who had just opened her eyes. “I told you we’d be okay.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “No, you didn’t. But I know I can’t believe a word you say, anyways. What’s our plan when we get on the ground?”

Ben looked over at Rey, smirking as he remarked, “The plan is, I go talk to some very questionable people, and you stay on the  _ Nevermore _ until I return.” Ben’s fingers were sure and steady as they worked the navicomp, typing in the navigation codes to get them to Kessel.

Ben stood up after the codes were in the computer correctly, grinning at Rey. “We should be on Kessel in a standard half hour. Unless you like spice mines, there’s nothing really to see there, so please, stay on the ship and let me do my thing, ok?”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him before remarking, “Doing  _ your thing _ almost got you killed on Rodia, Ben. And I saved your ass, if you recall.” Rey stood as well, straightening herself to her full height so that he wasn’t looking down at her as far. “You just don’t care, do you? About life, about anyone?”

Ben shrugged before turning away, going into his quarters to get himself ready to deal with Spice dealers and thugs. He really didn’t care about much anymore, but he wasn’t about to reveal that to Rey – or anyone.

….

As Ben made his way into the shady bar on Kessel, he looked around for the familiar face of Corin, a Pau’an male who had the best prices for the product. While Corin wasn’t sympathetic to either the Resistance or the First Order – he did business with both – money spoke to him, and Ben had the money to spend. The male’s tall frame stood out above the others in the bar, and Ben approached with a smile on his face, greeting him as he slid into a seat next to him at the bar.

“Hello, Corin!” Ben said, before ordering a Raava from the droid barkeep.

The Pau’an looked at Ben from the corner of his eyes before remarking, “Solo, I did not think I would ever see you again. You had a mark against you, last I heard.”

“Don’t I always,” Ben mumbled softly as the barkeep brought his drink to him. Ben took a long swallow before asking, “You got my holo?”

The Pau’an nodded. “Follow me.”

Taking another drink from his glass, Ben glanced around the bar before following Corin. He worked out of a modified Pyke starship that had been heavily armored, with more weapons than Ben cared to think about facing with the  _ Nevermore _ . He wasn’t getting the same vibes he had gotten on Rodia – of course, Kessel was just a pit of thieves and the worst kind of people in the Galaxy.

Once Ben stepped onto the ramp of the starship, he was met by two Pyke Sentinels, who quickly took his weapons. Corin beckoned him further into the hold, pointing to three small crates. “You know the routine, Solo, I make no apologies for depriving you of your weapon.”

Ben nodded, looking at the crates before glancing back at Corin. “May I check them?”

“After giving me the credit chip,” Corin remarked, his eyes glinting feverishly at the thought of more credits.

“No,” Ben said after a moment. “I check the product to make sure it’s legitimate, then you get your credits. Have I ever double-crossed you?” Ben gave Corin a smile, wanting to make sure the dealer was at ease.

“No, but your father has,” Corin remarked.

Corin’s remark pulled a smirk from Ben in reply as he approached the small cases. Opening the first, he examined the small bags of processed Spice, pulling a small scanner out of his jacket, passing it over the case before glancing at the readout. He repeated the process with the other cases, finally nodding as he turned back towards Corin.

“Ninety-nine percent pure, as usual.” Corin inclined his head slightly towards Ben, one hand coming out towards him as he looked at him pointedly. “Payment?”

Ben handed him the credit chip, already imagining the indignant look his mother would give him if she knew what the Resistance funds were going for – although, without this deal, they wouldn’t get the weapons they needed. “You can have your men deliver them to the  _ Nevermore _ , as usual. The sooner, the better, please. I have another stop to make.” Ben turned back towards the entrance of the ship, trying not to feel utterly filthy from the deal he had just made.

Corin nodded once more, eyeing the Sentinels, who handed Ben’s blaster to him as he exited the ship, making his way back to the  _ Nevermore _ as quickly as his legs could carry him. As soon as he stepped onto the entrance ramp and made his way into the galley, his shoulders sagged with relief. Going straight to the bottle of Raava he kept, Ben poured himself a glass before settling into his favorite chair and propping his feet up on the table.

Rey eyed Ben as he sat down, not saying anything until he put his feet up on the table. “You do realize we eat off that table, right?”

Ben smirked before taking a long swallow from his glass, finally replying, “Does that bother you, your Jedifulness?” He knew he was getting under her skin, and as she rolled her eyes and went back to tinkering with something on the table, Ben felt a small sliver of satisfaction – until he realized  _ what _ she was  _ tinkering _ with. “Is that the spatial interconnect conduit from my kriffing hyperdrive engine?”

Looking up briefly, Rey nodded, a grin coming to her lips. “Yeah, I noticed it needed a little work done on it, so I should have it ready to go in about an hour or so.”

Ben’s eyes widened, and he stood up quickly, his chair falling backwards against the durasteel wall. “We don’t have a kriffing hour, you… you… I leave for something, and you tear apart my kriffing hyperdrive? Who does that?”

“Me,” Rey said, her eyes narrowing slightly as she challenged Ben. “I am a passenger on this ship, and I like to know it’s not going to fall out of the sky because a kriffing wire needed spliced. Is that okay with you,  _ Captain _ ?”

Ben’s jaw worked as he tried to suppress his anger, his eye twitching in an effort to keep from destroying some inanimate object, his fists clenching and unclenching as he tried counting to ten, then twenty – then switched to counting in High Galactic instead of Basic.

Finally, he leaned forward over the table, his large palms splayed out on the table, his lips mere inches from Rey’s skin as he said in a low rumble, “Put my kriffing ship back together. Now. You have no idea about how quickly we need to leave after my cargo is delivered.”

Rey’s gaze moved to his lips briefly before flickering back up to his eyes. She remember all too well how those lips had felt crushed against hers, and how she had been willing to give this man anything he wanted when he was kissing her. And then he had discarded her like trash, picking her up like a piece of Happabore offal and pushing her into her quarters.

“I will put this ship back together when I have the maintenance done on this, and not a nanosecond before,” Rey spat back. “You don’t always get to make the rules and order me around like I am nobody, Solo, you infuriating laserbrain.” Her eyes bore into his, and then he was gone, spinning around and disappearing into the main hold, the sound of  _ something _ shattering against the hull - accompanied by words that Rey was certain his mother had never heard him utter - came to her ears.

Rey smirked as she set back to work. She could play this game, as well – and play it better then Ben Solo ever could.

….

Luckily, when Corin’s men arrived with his crates, Rey was just finishing putting the part back into place, and they were able to be in the air within fifteen minutes. Ben’s mood was still sour, and so Rey wandered throughout the ship, admiring the changes Ben had made to it.

It was later that night, after another bumpy ride through the Maw Cluster, as Rey sat on her bunk cross-legged and doing her best to meditate – even though all she could think about was a handsome, surly former Jedi turned smuggler who she had  _ definitely _ enjoyed kissing – when the Force Ghost appeared, announcing her presence by clearing her throat loudly as she stood against the wall opposite Rey’s bunk.

Rey’s eyes snapped open, and her lightsaber was in her hand and lit out of pure instinct before she could even reason with herself that it would have zero effect on the dead. The ghost giggled, and Rey’s eyes narrowed for a moment as she surveyed the intruder in her space.

Finally, the woman looked at her, wiggling her fingers at her in greeting. “Hi, Rey. So… you’re the girl.”

Rey rolled her eyes, wondering if all specters were so maddeningly mysterious as she extinguished her lightsaber. “The…  _ girl _ ? I am female, yes. I’m sorry, who are you? What are you talking about?” Master Luke had talked to her about Force ghosts, of course, so Rey knew that the woman wasn’t visiting to harm her.

The ghost laughed again, and stepped closer to Rey. “You’re the girl that’s going to bring Ben back to the light. Back to the Force. I’m Kat, by the way. Ben and I were…together. And now he’s being a huge idiot, and so I have to check in on him by visiting his family. And now you!”

Rey’s eyes widened, and she found herself looking over the specter before her with interest. This girl had been the reason Ben cut himself off from the Force and left the Jedi, after all. Kat simply watched her eyes dance over her, giving Rey a smile when she was done. “Yes, Ben and I were in love. I’ve loved that man since he was eight and we first laid eyes on each other. He was as infuriating then as he is now, I bet.”

“You have no idea,” Rey muttered, and Kat snorted.

“I was with him for ten years, every kriffing day pretty much. Believe me, I know how Ben is.” Kat moved even closer, looking Rey over. “You kissed him, but he was kissing you back, Rey. He might act like the big, tough smuggler – but he’s broken inside. My death…it destroyed him, and he blames himself. But, he has you now, and you’ll bring him back to where he needs to be, won’t you? I’ve seen it.”

Kat waved her hand in the air almost dismissively, and she let out a sigh. “The future is hard to see – even for us who have become one with the Force – but every time I see a glimpse of your future, Rey, I see Ben with you. Fighting, laughing… other much more…  _ pleasurable _ things… but you are always together. That’s why you’re the girl.”

“I…” Rey tried to put together everything Kat was telling her, her mind whirling with everything she had said. “You…you’re saying that Ben and I are supposed to be together? And that he starts using the Force again?”

Kat nodded, smiling at Rey. “I may be his past, Rey… but you’re his future. Just be patient with him – he’s stubborn – but he’s worth it. I may be back to visit…”

With that, her visage faded into the aether, leaving Rey feeling unsettled. Sure, she had enjoyed kissing Ben, but knowing that her future was entwined with his – at least, according to his Force ghost ex-girlfriend? No amount of meditation would make her find balance, and so Rey stood, heading out into the now silent ship.

 

She certainly didn’t expect to find Ben sitting at the table in the galley, nor did she expect to see him wiping tears from his eyes, his lips meeting something on a chain around his neck before tucking it back into his shirt, his head snapping up and his eyes meeting hers.

“Hey, just coming to get something to drink.” Rey walked past him, going to the conservator and opening the door, pondering what she wanted to drink and finally settling on water.

“How long were you standing there?” Ben asked quietly from right behind her. She hadn’t even heard him move, but as she turned she found he was close enough to touch, his sad eyes burning into hers.

“Not long. I was kinda lost in my own head, anyways. A-Are you okay, Ben? You look upset.” Rey took a step towards him, wanting to comfort him, but not sure how it would be received by him.

“I’m fine.” Ben replied in his velvety voice, the words sliding through the air between them, their eyes drinking in each other. Rey wasn’t sure who moved first, but as their lips met each others, she didn’t much care. Ben’s lips were plush, and as his tongue sought entrance into her hot mouth, she let out a slight moan as she allowed the intrusion, her hands splaying across his broad chest before one moved up to bury in his silky hair.

He had her against the wall quickly, his hands lifting her up as her legs circled his hips, his kisses moving from her lips to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, his tongue flicking at the sensitive skin there with wild abandon. She didn’t notice the low thrum in her head at first, not until one of her hands was under Ben’s shirt, his skin warm and welcoming as she skimmed her fingers across his chest, her hand closing around the small object that was calling to her – needing her to touch it, to feel its energy pulsing through her veins…

Rey found herself unceremoniously dropped to the floor, panting as she looked at Ben with wide eyes.

 

His breath was coming in ragged gulps as well, his Adam’s apple bobbing furiously as he glared at her – passion replaced by anger.

“Don’t ever touch my necklace again. Do you understand?”

Rey didn’t say anything at first, her eyes ghosting down to his chest, where she knew the crystal rested. She knew it was a Kyber crystal, she had recognized the familiar Force signature. Rey wouldn’t mention, though, the voice that whispered into her mind when she had touched it – the voice of the Force ghost she had met earlier in her quarters.

The same Force ghost that claimed that she and Ben were destined to be together.

Finally, Rey nodded. “I-I’m sorry. It… the Kyber just started calling to me, and it’s like I couldn’t control it. I’m sorry, Ben.”

Still panting, Ben looked at Rey for another moment before muttering, “Yeah. Me too. Goodnight, Rey.”

Rey watched him turn and disappear into his quarters – and this time it was she who stood and watched his door for a long time before finally retreating to her own quarters.

….

Oba Diah was a cold, dark looking planet looming in the viewport, and Rey glanced over at Ben as he typed in the correct entry codes to get them onto the planet, his face set into a grim mask as he readied himself for dealing with the Pyke Syndicate once more. These were dangerous people, and Oba Diah was never a friendly place.

As Ben brought the  _ Nevermore  _ into the dock he was given, Rey glanced around, a frown coming to her lips. She didn’t like this place – not one bit. There was something dark here, something just below the surface of the planet, and it made her uneasy.

Ben was moving towards the cargo bay when Rey finally spoke. “I suppose you want me to stay on board while you do this deal?” He stopped, half-turning to speak over his shoulder.

“Stay on board, keep the engines ready to leave the moment my cargo is delivered. If… if for some reason I don’t come back in an hour – take the  _ Nevermore _ and head to Felucia without me. Understand?” Ben waited for a moment for her answer, and when he was met by silence he turned around fully, his eyes seeking out hers. “Tell me you understand, and you will follow my wishes, Rey.”

Licking her lips, Rey simply nodded, the proper words to say not coming to her. As Ben walked off the  _ Nevermore _ , all she could think was that he better come back – because she would be devastated if something happened to him.

….

Ben was on high alert the moment he stepped off the Nevermore. He had a bad feeling about this job – the Pyke Syndicate were never pleasant or easy to deal with. He had been told to meet Gom Pyke at his home, and so Ben set out that direction, his unease growing with every step he took. He was a tall man, but the Pykes were even taller, lanky humanoids with large heads and small features, their unsettling magenta or blue almond shaped eyes always unnerving him further whenever he had contact with them – which wasn’t often, thank the Stars. He had prided himself on not smuggling Spice – but he had to do what must be done for the Resistance.

He was stopped just outside the large home, Gom’s guards depriving him of both his blasters and the vibroknife he kept hidden in one of his boots. All he would have for his own defense were his fists, his wits – and the sharpened spike that would retract out of the toes of both his boots if needed.

He was led inside, and as Ben looked around, his uneasiness grew. Something wasn’t right.

Gom Pyke sat in his office, and he looked up as Ben was ushered in, his magenta eyes looking the man up and down before he finally spoke. “Young Solo! I have heard so much about you!”

Ben lifted an eyebrow, a half-smirk coming onto his lips as he replied easily, “Funny, never heard that much about you. It’s good that my reputation precedes me, though. Should we get down to business?”

“Indeed. You have the three cases we require?”

Ben nodded. “99 % pure, according to my scanners. Good stuff.”

“Very well. You also have something else on board your ship that we have interest in.”

Once again, Ben quirked a brow at the Pyke. “Oh?”

“Indeed.” Gom nodded at someone behind Ben, and he found himself being grabbed from behind, binders sliding on his hands behind his back before he could react. “You have a Jedi on board. The First Order will be most pleased to…  _ acquire… _ a Jedi, as well as Han Solo and General Organa’s son. Now, we wait. The girl will come for you, and then we will have you both. Take him, boys, and put him in the holding cell. If he gets mouthy – make him see the error of his ways.”

….

As Rey waited, watching the time, she grew more and more uneasy with each passing moment. When an hour had passed and Ben had not returned, Rey knew there was no way she was leaving without him, so she called out to R3, instructing him to keep the  _ Nevermore _ ready to go, as well as setting up the security measures Ben had in place for his ship.

As she stepped off the entry ramp, she looked around, using the Force to push through the rain and unease, trying to sense any danger in the streets. If she wanted to move about easier, she would have to find some way to disguise herself. She was short and a human – amongst the taller Pykes, she stood out in the crowd.

After a moment’s ponderance, Rey remembered a lesson Master Skywalker had taught them at the Praxeum, and she threw the Force out around her as a shield- people could look right at her, and then their eyes would dance away as if they had seen nothing. Moving through the streets, Rey probed out with the Force, trying to find any glimpse of Ben. She knew he wouldn’t have a Force signature since he had cut himself off from it, but if she could catch a glimpse of a thought, a whisper of his voice through a window – that would tell her where he was.

He was in trouble – and she had to find him.

She ghosted through the streets, searching frantically, until the faintest thought whispered into her brain.  _ I hope Rey listened to me. The First Order can’t have her. _

She’d have to be careful. Following the faint tendrils of Ben’s essence, Rey came to a stop across the street from a large home, knowing that Ben was inside somewhere. After observing the structure for a moment, Rey ghosted around the back, passing by the guards without alerting them.

Gaining entrance into the house took little effort, with a strong push of the Force, Rey found herself inside, pushing the Force out to try and track Ben down once more. Following what she thought was his presence, Rey came to the lowest level of the home, which was, thankfully, left unguarded. A low moan from the end of the hall had her surging forward, her eyes finally settling on Ben, crumpled on the floor of a dark, cold cell. There was a pool of blood under his head, and she could see he had been severely beaten by someone.

Anger sliced through her veins, white hot and sizzling, the Force crackling in response.

She wanted to burn this whole planet down for hurting him.

The door was unlocked rather roughly with one burst of the Force from him, and Rey rushed to Ben’s side, kneeling down next to him and surveying the damage. His face was swollen and bloody, his eyes tiny slits under all the swelling. His head had several cuts, all of them bleeding and needing attention from bacta gel and patches. She didn’t have time for a better survey, though, as the sound of approaching footsteps drew her attention.

Her lightsaber was in her hand and ignited before the footsteps faded away, and she applied pressure with the Force to the throats of both guards as she looked at them, her teeth bared and eyes narrowed in anger. Reaching into their minds, Rey pulled the location of the weapons they needed from their minds, before stating, “You will let us pass and not mention you ever saw us. You will deliver the weapons to the  _ Nevermore _ before the hour is out.”

“We will let you pass and not mention we ever saw you. We will deliver the weapons to the  _ Nevermore _ before the hour is out,” both men intoned the same words as Rey tried her best to get Ben to his feet. He only responded with a low moan, and Rey groaned as she realized he was in no condition to move.

“Sorry, you massive tree of  a man, I have to use the Force to get you out of here,” Rey mumbled as she levitated him, floating him out of the cell and once again masking them both using the Force. She was starting to feel weary, and she hoped she could get them back to the  _ Nevermore _ before becoming completely spent and unable to use the Force the way she needed.

Luckily, the rain had turned into a full-fledged thunderstorm, and the streets had all but emptied, leaving Rey an easy path to get them back to the ship quickly. Once onboard, Rey made sure Ben was comfortable in her quarters before setting to work with a medkit.

She hissed as she opened his shirt, finding that Pyke’s men had used Vibroknives to make long, shallow cuts across Ben’s chest – not deep enough to inflict a lot of damage to the muscles and underlying structures, but instead to cause pain and blood loss. Rey applied bacta patches and gel to all the cuts she saw on his chest, arms, face and head, knowing he was going to need time to heal.

As Rey eyed his long legs, she pondered what she should do. With a sigh, she set to work removing his boots and pants. She had to check him over to make sure there were no hidden injuries, after all. As she pulled down his pants, she did her best  _ not _ to let her gaze wander over his underclothing – where she definitely did  _ not _ notice the rather large bulge under the cloth.

_ So much for not being a creep, Rey, _ she thought to herself as she examined the bruises and cuts that had been inflicted on his legs as well. She set to work once more with the bacta gel and patches, standing straight as soon as she had him on his way to healing.

A series of beeps from Ben’s R3 unit brought her to the cockpit, and as she pulled up the footage from the security holos on the outside of the ship, Rey noticed the two guards from earlier, with a transport vehicle loaded with crates. With a smirk, she went to the loading bay, checking over each crate carefully as the men loaded them onto the ship.

They were in the air twenty minutes later, and as Rey typed in the clearance codes and set a course for Felucia, she heard movement behind her.

“What the kriff do you think you’re doing flying my ship? Get away from that panel, your Jedifulness. No one pilots my ship but me.” Ben loomed in the doorway, wrath in his gaze, his tone acidic as he limped across the cockpit, wincing with every step.

“You… you… cocky, laserbrained, Hutt spawn!” Rey stood to her full height, meeting him halfway to his destination and poking a finger into his chest hard, not caring if she was inflicting pain on the tortured, sore skin. “I saved your kriffing ass again – and you still act like an oversized man child! Get back in bed and rest. I can manage to get us to Felucia in one piece!” Rey poked him one more time, enjoying the obvious wince and hissing intake of breath from Ben.

As he passed out, crumpling to the floor once more, Rey called him every derogatory name she had overheard in her time at both the Praxeum and with the Resistance as she once more used the Force to levitate his massive frame back into her bed.

As the  _ Nevermore _ shuddered as it jumped into the hyperspace lane leading to Felucia and the Resistance base – to their friends and family – Rey settled into the pilot’s seat, her feet up on the control panel as she watched the blue-white lights of hyperspace dance in the viewport in front of her.

….

Ben woke several hours later to the silence of a ship in hyperspace, and as he looked around in confusion, everything came back to him at once suddenly, and as he sat up and realized he was in Rey’s quarters on the  _ Nevermore _ , he let out a groan and stood, happy to find that he could at least move without wanting to scream in pain. His clothes were folded neatly beside the bunk, and he dressed as quickly as possible before making his way to the cockpit – and stopping short as he took in the visage of Rey, fast asleep in the pilot’s seat, a tiny snore leaving her lips as she slept.

If she hadn’t looked so beautiful, like she belonged on his ship with him, Ben might have woken her. Instead, he stood and watched her for a long time, admiring how the lights of hyperspace danced off her tan skin, illuminating all her soft features as she slept.

He wanted to kiss her as much as he wanted to yell at her, so Ben sighed before turning and making his way into the galley. When Rey walked in an hour later, her hair sleep tousled and her eyes still half-lidded, Ben had his feet propped up on the table, a mug of caf in one hand and his datapad in the other.

 

“Nice to see you awake, your Jedifulness. I do so like it when someone else falls asleep in my pilot's chair, especially when it means I couldn’t get to the panel to see just where in the kriff they have my ship headed to.”

Rey stopped in half stride, her eyes narrowing once more as she looked at Ben. “Yes, well, if  _ someone _ hadn’t needed me to – once again – save their ass, then perhaps they could have been awake to pilot their own damn ship! Oh, and, by the way, I still managed to get the weapons we needed. They are in the hold.” Rey moved to the pot of caf, pouring herself a mug before settling into the chair across from Ben.

Ben raised an eyebrow to her before leaning across the table. “I gave you an order – to leave if I wasn’t back in an hour. Aren’t Jedi supposed to follow orders, you know, especially when they are in a place they don’t know a thing about?”

“You know damn well we don’t have to follow orders, or have you chosen to forget everything your Uncle Luke taught you? You’re a kriffing fool, Solo. All that power and talent, and you choose to just throw it away, to treat it like it’s nothing.” Rey’s eyes were flashing as she also leaned across the table towards Ben. They shared a long, pregnant moment when neither of them took a breath, their eyes boring into the others.

Finally, Ben stood, muttering something about checking on his cargo and the navcomp before he stood, disappearing into the cargo hold. When he reappeared, Rey could sense the fury emanating from him before she saw him, her eyes coming up to meet him as he towered over her still seated form.

“You got the weapons,” Ben said, his voice as cold as a Hoth winter.

“Yes, I told you that,” Rey replied.

“Hm,” Ben said before sniffing loudly. “Well, your actions just caused me a world of bantha shit, Your Jedifulness. In all your infinite wisdom of all the workings of the Galaxy – I’m sure my Uncle taught you all this, of course – you failed to ponder just what would happen if you took from the Pyke Syndicate without giving them their payment. I see the three crates that were supposed to go to them are still in my hold. I am sure they already put a mark on me – and the people they will send after me will make the Guavian Death Gang on Rodia look like amateurs. Maybe you should stay out of business you know nothing about.”

Rey jumped up, her eyes flashing in anger as she advanced on him, once more poking him in the chest with one finger. She was not about to be intimidated by Ben Solo, especially not after she had saved his life twice now and gone across the Galaxy with him. “Don’t start in on me, Ben Solo! I have saved your hide  _ twice _ now, and have you said thank you once? No! Instead, you get yourself into more trouble, in between making me feel like you want me when we’re kissing, and making me feel like I have the Candorian Plague when we’re not. So, until you start acting like a man who knows what he wants instead of a scared little boy, throwing a tantrum because someone stole his favorite toy, you can kriff off, you overgrown nerfherder!”

Something changed in the air between them, and once more she found herself in his arms, their lips meeting the other’s with reckless abandon. Her hands carded through his hair, and as he pushed her up against the wall, he let out a low moan, grinding himself against her as his tongue explored her mouth.

His hand ghosted under her shirt, and Rey shuddered at the feel of his warm hand on her skin, and as he reached down to pull her shirt off her body, at first neither of them heard R3 beeping at them, until the droid got more insistent as he rolled closer to them.

With a groan, Ben pulled away from Rey, looking at her and muttering – “Was that thanks enough, Your Jedifulness?”

As he walked away to see what R3 was being so insistent about, Rey had never wanted to punch anyone more.

….

As the  _ Nevermore  _ shuddered out of hyperspace three hours later, Rey sat in her quarters once more, trying to find her balance again – although she had the notion that she would never be able to around Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like this? Leave kudos and comments - they are like air to me!
> 
> Visit me on tumblr at: [my-jedi-life](https://my-jedi-life.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Or on the twitters (Because I know all the twitters!): [myjedilife](https://twitter.com/MyJediLife)


	5. Twisted Up Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo shows that he is, indeed, Han Solo's son. Rey isn't all that impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! I got sucked into the Reylogan rabbit hole, and have been working furiously on "River Deep, Mountain High", as well as others to get some fics completed. Stick with me, friends, I shall leave no fic unfinished!
> 
> Thanks, as always, to my beta and moodboard artist, who catches all my stupid mistakes - and gives me plenty of shit for them! [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)

[](https://imgur.com/ZhXndhy)

He couldn’t wait to be home, and to rid himself of  _ her _ .

When he thought of Rey, he felt… unsettled. He constantly was in a state of flux between wanting to scream at her and kiss her senseless – so the sooner they got to Felucia, the better. He would visit with his family, drink at the cantina, and maybe blow up some First Order TIE Fighters in his X-Wing. Perhaps, his mother would see fit to send him off on another supply or weapons run, which he would gladly do.

As long as he didn’t have to be idle for long. He could only lose so much at the Sabacc tables before he grew bored enough to find trouble.

Felucia came into sight through the viewport, its lush jungle creating a green and brown pearl in the distance, growing ever closer with each parsec. Ben reached down and typed in the correct codes, so that the planetary shields would allow them to pass through unscathed.

As he landed the  _ Nevermore  _ in the appropriate dock inside the base, Rey made her appearance as he was running through the shutdown sequence. “Great working with you, your Jedifulness.” Ben input the final code needed, looking at R3 and giving the droid his orders. “R3, security protocol four.”

The droid beeped its acknowledgement, and Ben pressed the buttons that would open the cargo bay door, allowing them to leave the ship.

Rey glared at Ben’s flippant statement before saying loudly, “Kriff off, Solo. You know, Dameron kisses better than you do.”

As Rey made her way off the  _ Nevermore _ , she tried to keep the smirk off her face. She had no idea how Poe Dameron kissed – but the look on Ben’s face had been worth it.

….

Ben sat at the sabacc table, looking around at the other players. Reaching out with a long-fingered hand, he bought the glass of Raava to his lips, taking a deep swallow as he considered his hand. Dameron was bluffing, of course, and so was his younger brother. Try as he might, Anakin Solo did not have a sabacc face like their father. Paige Tico was the wild card. He was having a hard time reading her.

He’d better call now, before the shifting phase. He had a good hand.

“I call,” he said softly as Paige started to speak. Dameron snickered beside him, and Ben looked at him, raising a brow. Poe threw up his hands, the easy smirk staying on his face. Ben resisted the urge to punch the grin off his face –  _ how dare he kiss her! _

As they revealed their cards, Ani and Poe bombing out, Paige smiled at him before setting her cards down, one brow raising at him smugly. “Pure sabacc, Solo. Shall I take the pot now, before you flip the table in anger? It was a pain in a bantha’s ass, picking up all those credits off the floor last time.”

Ben sat back in his chair, taking another drink from his glass as he looked around the cantina like he was bored. He caught sight of Rey, who pretended not to be watching him from where she was sitting with Paige’s sister, Rose, and Finn, another Resistance fighter.

He let out a long sigh, finally sitting up and looking Paige in the eyes. “Oh, I think I’ll manage not to get angry this time.” He finally let a half-smirk come to his lips, as he flipped over his cards to reveal an Idiot, a two of sabers and a three of staves – an Idiot’s Array. The smirk widened as Paige threw up her hands in frustration.

“Of course, Solo, of course. You get the one hand that can beat a pure sabacc. Stang, I swear, you cheat worse than a Weequay in a pleasure house.”

Ben shrugged nonchalantly, gathering up the credits from where they were piled in the middle of the table. “I’m just that good, Paigey girl. I’m good at a lot of things, you know.” Ben waggled his eyebrows at her, smirking as he caught sight of Rey watching him, her eyes full of jealousy and anger at his flirtations.

_ You kissed that petri dish that is Dameron, I can flirt with whomever I kriffing want. Stars! _

__

Paige swatted at him from across the table, making contact with his upper arm. “You are  _ so _ not my type, Solo. I’d rather kiss a rancor than you!” Paige grinned at him, clearly teasing.

“I know where to find one,” Ben remarked snarkily, the smirk staying on his lips. “You got a few hours free tomorrow?” Ben winked at her, plucking the last credit stick from the table while bringing his glass of Raava to his lips, finishing it while looking over at the table where Rey still sat.

She was staring down at the table miserably, her hands fisted in her lap. Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at his younger brother for a moment. “I’m gonna go work on the  _ Nevermore _ for a bit, Ani, if anyone is looking for me. Wanna make sure that the  _ hyperdrive conduit _ was put back together right. Tico, Dameron, thanks for the credits.”

He hoped Rey heard him, and he hoped his words had stung a little – just like her admission of kissing Dameron had stung him.

….

Rey had heard every word, of course, as she sat with her friends, using the Force to amplify her hearing. She waited five minutes after Ben left before casually standing and offering what she hoped was a friendly smile to both Rose and Finn.

“I’m beat, guys. See you tomorrow?” Rose and Finn nodded, eyeing each other as their friend slipped from the cantina.

Rey made her way through the corridors of the base, nodding at those she encountered along the way. She was still a new face to many people, and she tried to be friendly to everyone she met. The lightsaber clipped to her side generally let them know she was a Jedi.

As she reached the hangar, Rey saw Ben, his tall frame standing on top of the  _ Nevermore _ as he tinkered with wiring inside a panel. He ignored her, even though he knew full well that she was there. He was, by far, the most infuriating man she had ever met. He was cocky, bullheaded – and completely enthralling. Rey didn’t know what it was about Ben Solo that drew her to him, like a moth to a flame – but the attraction was there.

Climbing up the ladder, Rey sat on the hull beside the panel Ben was working on, peering down into the tangle of wires and circuitry. “Everything looks good in there,” she remarked softly before looking up at Ben.

“I don’t recall asking,” he replied, his voice that low, delicious rumble that she had grown to love in their short time travelling together.

“Yet, here I am, giving my opinion,” Rey sighed, running a hand across the durasteel hull almost lovingly. “I do love this ship.” Ben stilled in his work, his eyes meeting hers.

“You need something, Your Jedifulness? I’ve got a lot of work to do before I get called back out.” Ben set back to work, and Rey watched his hands in fascination for a moment, trying to forget about the way they felt on her bare skin.

“I just… I thought we could talk?” Rey said, her face flushing slightly.

“Congratulations! We are both fully capable of forming letters into words, and words into sentences. We can both  _ talk _ ,” Ben snorted derisively. “I don’t see how we have much to talk about, anyways. Shouldn’t you be off with Dameron, your lips on his, or something? Fair warning, though, he sleeps with anyone who will bat her eyelashes at him. Don’t expect anything more than a romp in the sack from him.”

Ben started to climb down the ladder, but Rey could tell he was truly bothered by her fake admission from earlier. She had said it off the cuff, in anger – not intending to hurt him – but she could tell her words still stung.

“Ben…” Rey sighed before scurrying down the ladder after him, following him as he stepped onto the cargo ramp of the  _ Nevermore. _ He moved towards the galley, and Rey looked around as she tried to remember that he was still in  _ pain _ , pain that had been festering inside him for a decade.

She wished he hadn’t cut himself off from the Force, so that Kat could visit him and give him a piece of her mind. If a Force Ghost thought he was being a laser-brained Hutt spawn, then he had reached a whole new level of being stubborn. With a low growl, Rey caught up to him, reaching out and grabbing his shirt with one hand and pulling, forcing him to stop in his tracks.

“Would you kriffing stand still and turn around to  _ talk _ to me? Don’t I deserve that, Ben?” Rey tugged on his shirt once more, and he slowly turned towards her, the fire in his eyes was part lust, part anger, part pain as they met hers.

“What do we have to talk about, Your Jedifulness? Honestly? I can’t give you what you want, Rey… I’m not wired like a normal person, okay? Something’s malfunctioning in my brain, and I can’t be with anyone anymore. I just want to take my ship and be among the stars, until my time is up. That’s all. I don’t know how else to tell you that. I can’t stay in one place.”

“No, of course not. If you stayed put, you might have to deal with your damn feelings,” Rey spat out, her eyes burning with anger as they bore into Ben’s. “You know, your feelings about running away from the Jedi ten years ago because Kat died, the fact that you think loving again will lead to disaster, the fact that you kriffing enjoy kissing me and you want to do more than that to me…”

“Caraya’s soul! Who told you about her? You don’t know anything, you tiny, infuriating moof milker! You don’t know anything about me, or her… or anything in between. I’m me, and I am not changing for anyone – you got that, Your Jedifulness?” Ben took a step closer to her now, his eyes still showing the trinity of emotions Rey had noticed in them earlier. He cocked his head to one side, and Rey took a step towards him, not able to help herself.

This man drove her crazy with his hot and cold moods, his inability to carry on a conversation, and his stunted emotional growth. She wanted to punch him as much as she wanted to kiss him. “Yeah, I got that, you emotionally stunted, oversized, scruffy-looking son of a bantha. I got it.”

The corner of Ben’s lips lifted in a smirk as he continued to look at Rey, taking another small step forward. “I’m not scruffy,” he said quietly as the look in his eyes switched to one of pure lust and longing.

“And I’m not tiny,” Rey replied almost breathlessly, letting herself get lost in his eyes for a moment. “Well, maybe I am, compared to a tree like you…” Her words were cut off as Ben swept forward to close the distance between them, his lips crashing down on hers with wild abandon.

One of his hands buried itself in her hair, the other cupping her cheek softly as his mouth worked against hers, his tongue skimming over her bottom lip to ask permission to delve into its warm depths. Rey’s lips opened, granting him permission, and their tongues danced together in a sensual waltz.

Rey put one hand on Ben’s well-muscled chest, her other hand mirroring his by diving into his silky locks. His lips were soft and plush, his tongue demanding. He pulled her closer, his teeth scraping over her bottom lip as he pulled it into his mouth, his tongue laving it for a moment before letting it go.

“Ben…” Rey managed to say, “I…”

He didn’t give her an opportunity to continue, instead, forcing them back against the wall, deepening their kiss until she saw stars behind her closed eyes. Kissing Ben was by far the best thing she had ever experienced. His lips moved from hers, planting light kisses along her cheek and over her ear before moving to her neck. Rey threw her head back as far as she could to expose the tender skin there, her breathing heavy and small moans leaving her lips at his ministrations.

And then she felt it again, the low thrumming of the kyber crystal he wore around his neck. Like it had a mind of its own, her hand slid across his chest and under the neckline of his shirt, clenching around the crystal as Ben’s lips worked their magic on her. She could feel the pulse of it in her mind, the thrumming of another lifetime as a vision danced in her brain.

_ A girl with blonde hair. Kat. Ben standing beside her, facing a large, humanoid creature – taller than Ben, even. The creature was scarred horribly, so disfigured that its nose was completely gone. Its large, sloping forehead made it appear like a skull on a muscular body, and it sneered at the couple before jumping into action. It swung a staff that resembled a living serpent, venom dripping from its tip, towards the couple, the hum and crackle of lightsabers igniting filling the air. _

__

_ Ben’s voice rang out as the creature brought its staff down on her head, “Kat!” _

__

The vision ended as Ben pulled away, his breathing heavy and ragged as he took more steps backwards to get away from her. As Rey opened her eyes, Ben pointed one long finger at her accusingly. “I told you never to touch my necklace again! That was the last time, sweetheart. You can go back to kissing Dameron again, especially since he’s a better kisser than I am, according to you!”

Ben’s eyes were furious now, and Rey chewed on her bottom lip nervously. “That kyber was hers, wasn’t it? Kat’s?” Rey took a step towards Ben, not backing down, even with the fury she saw in his eyes. “I saw you when I touched it this time. And Kat, and some tall, ugly skull on a body. It carried this staff that looked like a snake. And… I saw… I saw it… kill her.”

Ben stilled, the look in his eyes changing from anger to anguish. His voice was low and full of grief as he pointed to the still open loading ramp. “Get off my ship. Now. Go kiss Dameron some more. NOW!” The last word was a yell as Ben turned, and Rey could see his shoulders shake with contained sobs.

“Ben… I…” Rey wanted to comfort him, to tell him all about her visit from Kat, and to let him know it would all be okay, but instead, she found herself heading towards the ramp to leave as he had asked. Before she stepped into the corridor leading towards the loading bay, Rey looked at Ben once more.

“I didn’t kiss Poe. You’re the only person I have ever kissed. You’re the only person I will ever want to kiss. I just told you that because I was mad and I wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. Goodbye, Ben.”

As she stepped onto the duracrete floor of the hangar, she could hear the sobs coming from inside the  _ Nevermore _ .

The next morning, when she reported to the hangar to work on ships that needed repair, the  _ Nevermore _ , and Ben, were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
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> 
> And on the twitter: [MyJediLife](https://twitter.com/MyJediLife) (All the twitters - I know them!)

**Author's Note:**

> I wold just like to thank my wonderful Beta, @azuwrite, both for her mad skillz as a Beta and in making the gorgeous mood board for me! You rock, and I salute you! *snuggles*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this beginning to what I hope will be a glorious journey for my babies... if you like, please leave kudos and comments, because I am a NEEDY ho! :)


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